The Editor's Blog

I am constantly assessing my ability and performance as a parent. Now that sounds as if my kids are my ‘project’ and I don’t think I’m like that (though I may have had some slightly deranged moments early in my ‘career’ when I thought my daughter would look cute dressed as a cuddly toy and photographed surrounded by dozens of other actual toys – but I digress).  What I mean to say is that I am constantly wondering if I am a good mum, at the same time marking off the things I wish I hadn’t done, or at least had done better.

So, when I stumbled across a blog post titled The #1 Parenting Secret I devoured it like my son gobbles up jelly beans. I didn’t quite get the bellyache he got these holidays when his Nan went overboard at the cinema Candy Bar, but I wasn’t left feeling satisfied either. Not that there’s anything wrong with the '#1 Secret'. It’s encourages you to see things from your child’s perspective and I suppose that’s a great idea. It’s not one that I recognise as being in my own parenting repertoire and perhaps I should explore it a little more, but it didn’t quite shout out to me, ‘HEY THIS IS DEFINITELY THE BEST PARENTING TIP EVER!’.

But it did make me wonder about parenting tips and advice. On The Punch today Paul Colgan writes about the myriad ‘helpful’ hints which bombard parents from a variety of decision-making quarters at a seemingly relentless pace – enough to confuse even the most confident of mums or dads. Colgan suggests (tongue in cheek) that, ‘any day now researchers can be expected to conclude the best thing parents could do for children is to have none in the first place’. Indeed.

I think I have arrived at the place in my parenting life where I take on board advice which resonates, and consider then discard the rest – hopefully without guilt. I have also concluded that when it comes to parenting philosophies one mum’s #1 Tip is another dad’s white noise. Some advice just really works for you and other stuff is just that…stuff. Whatever.

With all this pondering going on I made myself think about the best advice I have received as a mum and was surprised to note that it came from an unlikely source. A couple of years ago I interviewed (Sunrise host) Melissa Doyle for a Sunny Days feature. During a sweet interview where Mel chatted about her new book and her life as a working mum she let me in on something which works for her. She said that when she is with her kids she tries, as much as she can, to be ‘in the moment’. It sounds a little like new age fluff but when I thought about it, it really started ringing my bells. It’s ‘quality time’ with a better name. To me, being ‘in the moment’ with your kids lets them know they matter. It’s top of my list.

But I have to admit I am very bad at putting into practice my #1 Parenting Tip. I find I am constantly distracted by facebook and twitter all manner of essential tasks. From the very basics of preparing meals and keeping a (not very) tidy home to maintaining my relationships with my husband, extended family and friends, ferrying kids to music, sport ballet, birthday parties (the usual) to trying to squeeze in some exercise, holding down a job, catching an episode (or three) of Mad Men and perhaps working on my personal evolution. It’s busy times. I admit that I say, 'Not yet, Mummy’s busy,’ just a little too much for my liking and that my daughter has told me she misses me while I am in the same room as her. Distraction and scattered attention seems to be the modern way. Even when I ‘do’ stuff with my kids – playdates, movie outings, amusement parks, trips to the pool and beach – I find that there are still distractions. Either I’m thinking about what’s on my To Do list or they’re so busy whooping it up that I become a little redundant.

One of the only times I feel 'in the moment' is at bedtime when I read to them. This is our chance to sit and be together and for this reason it’s sacred to me. It’s rare for me to cancel storytime – although after a big family party, when we stagger home after midnight, I may give it a miss. I know I need to make more of an effort to be in the moment with my kids and I guess being aware is the first step in conscious parenting. The next step is actually doing it. Luckily for me New Day Resolutions form the basis of my parenting approach because each new day is a chance to do it better. Now if someone can just stop the world – my kids and I want to get off for a bit.

What is your #1 Parenting Tip?

And if you have a tip you would like to share with our readers don’t forget to drop me a line at editor@sunnydaysmagazine.com.au with your tip for our Frontline Wisdom page.